Here we go…2018 you be good now

And with all the promise a new year brings, 2018 I hope you go easy on me…

This year I will call it ‘A life in balance’. So what am I trying to balance

  1. Health.. for this I am going to say mine and my husband’s because I feel we have been stronger together and our girls need both of us.
  2. Family…this is a tough one because our girls are still so young but each day will be different.
  3. Social…here is to old and new friendships and learning to be a better friend to those who have been kind to let me knot their lives and hearts.
  4. Community…this is simple, I need to give more this year.
  5. Financial…I need to learn to budget and save better just a general rule of thumb.

So bring it on 2018


Zleep: Zoe’s sleep

So I feel so sleep deprived I no longer have track of dates, days, or times of events or activities. This is currently a problem because we are trying to train Zoe to sleep better but I did not write down when we started or when she has been waking up.

Hubs: Did you sleep better

me: I woke up a few times..I think at 12, 2, wait 2:30, 3..wait was that 3:15, I think she slept till 4. I just don’t know if I slept or woke up.

So you get the gist…I have no frikin clue except she woke up at least 3-4 times every night the last week (or so). She also does a crap job of sleeping from 2 to 5 every night..then I started sneaking her to our bed so I could sleep till big sister (rudely) wakes us up by 7ish…so yeah.

Anyway today, today I am writing down the things. It is currently 2:06 am and baby girl cried and fussed for an hour because I wouldn’t nurse her 2 hours after I had just nursed her at 11pm. I couldn’t sleep from her crying so I decided to work/write..she promptly fell asleep 3 words into my typing the title of this post…sigh. I shall finish writing this bloody post.

So it looks like for tomorrow I am getting rid of the pacifier during bedtime. I am also making sure I nurse at least 30min before bedtime. It took her 20min of crying to fall asleep at bedtime (7pm) but then she woke up at 11 then again at 1…no bueno. I went back to reading about sleep training and this excerpt from precious little sleep made me holler its so funny:

“Let’s say your boobs were chocolate caramel cupcakes. Who doesn’t enjoy a nice chocolate caramel cupcake? Your weaning plan involves trying to convince your boob baby to eat less cupcake. So they get pretty cross with you: “Gimme my full-sized cupcake, woman! It’s not that they’re starving; it’s not that they don’t know how to sleep without a mouth full of cupcake- it’s just that the cupcakes are fantastic and they adore those cupcakes.”

This made my night. I need to sleep now cos I plan to nurse her and cuddle that sweet baby as soon as she wakes up again. I am sorry Zoe for letting you cry but after 5 months of not sleeping, it’s time I helped you learn the magic of 6 or more continuous hours of sleep. Prayers are welcome during this jolly festive event.

‘Leaps’ in baby girl’s development

Two of her favorite things: a fireplace and her toes

So apparently there is this well known app called the ‘The Wonder Weeks‘ that features a calendar timeline of when a baby is going through developmental ‘leaps’. How did I not even think about this with my first child. Granted she was a fairly easy baby but none of the mamas I met had mentioned this. Anyway this phenomenon is a bit of a tease actually. It tells me when baby girl is going through a leap which could result in stormy moods…but there is nothing to really do about it. So yeah we are on the 4th leap and it is freaking long. According to the app it is about a whole month…but but I am almost at the end of it.

One thing that did happen with this leap is object permanence and POOR SLEEP! This mama is sleep deprived guys. I mean she has a routine..goes to bed easily at 7pm. But wakes up every 2-3 hours to nurse..and I am okay with that. What I am not okay with is her wriggly restlessness from about 2ish till about 530ish AM…as in middle of the night/morning however you see that cup. I see it as torture hours. I mean this baby cannot settle or relax. She is not hungry, not cold, not hot, not uncomfortable. If she is in her crib next to me she lefts her two feet up and SLAMS them down over and over. If she is next to me she is smacking me and rocking side to side. So yeah try sleeping through that. Then she settles by 530ish falls asleep till big sister wakes us up around 7ish. Baby girl wakes up with a big giant smile. How can I not forgive her! Now to work on our peek-a-boo game.

In other positive news…these two girls are in love with each other and I for one am a super happy and grateful mama for that development. Sophia tiptoes into our room every morning asking to play with Zoe (gets sent back to her room if its before 730am lol). And Zoe just lights up as soon as she sees or hears her big sister. It is all worth it!

There is always coffee…

Some of the milestones baby girl has completed in this fast but crazy month:

  • Holding her toes..this girl holds them like its a job. As soon as her feet are bare..up they go and those little hands find them and hold on fast and strong. SO CUTE!
  • Rolling back to front and front to back…she has days were all she does is roll and days were she couldn’t be bothered. I don’t blame you kid.
  • She still hates tummy time but her neck strength has gotten so good…and she uses her core only when motivated
  • Crawling…too soon baby girl…she buries her head down and scoots her little butt forward..usually motivated by catching her sister or to reach a toy
  • Food…this kid already shows great love for food yay! Watch out for your plate Sophia
  • Babbles, giggles, chatter, bubbles, drool, happy screeches…this kid is going to be as chatty and bubbly as big sister
  • Sleep regression…sadly this is on the list. As I mentioned above, she wants to know I am near but she also gets restless and wriggly from 2ish till 5ish am. She still naps like a boss and goes to bed perfectly with or without our routine. She just keeps me up those middle of the night hours and renders me exhausted. Please sleep better baby girl.

Meanwhile big sister is back on track to being sweetest toddler in the world and is currently obsessed with everything Christmas, sushi, puppies, curly hair, and her baby sister. Life is pretty good.

So happy with her curly-haired gingerbread cookie


Mommy brain is real y’all

I thought I was forgetful when I had Sophia and then started work…I was wrong..since I had Zoe I feel like my brain is taking a wistful vacation in a magical world where I had so many helpers. Long story short, I am so so forgetful and scatterbrain these days. Some examples you say?

  1. The second time in the last two weeks that I get to the dry cleaners, I pay for the clothes, grab Zoe in the car seat and walk out..EMPTY HANDED..meanwhile someone is yelling ma’am the shirts, your least I got the baby
  2. Every time we take Sophia to school..we make it to the elevator and have to go back for some forgotten yellow pup (apparently stuffed toys are meltdown type of necessary)
  3. This Wednesday I made it to the pediatricians office 15 whole minutes early..except Zoe’s 4 month appointment is not till next week
  4. I had to stand in line at the cashier at least twice every shopping trip cos I had forgotten an item from a list I HAD WRITTEN is that even…
  5. Let us not even count how many coffees I have had to re-heat at home because I forgot to finish drinking it while working around the house.
  6. Today was the first day Sophia managed to take something for share day that was not already in the car or in my purse (hehehehe oops)

Good thing my head is attached to my body 🙂

Ah who needs a brain anyway
Looking collected

MVP in baby gear (for Zoe)

Baby girl has been a little more challenging to soothe than our big girl. I totally thought since I have done this mommy thing before, it would be easier second time around. HAH good one Souraya. Anyway at almost 4 months, baby girl and I have got a pretty decent groove with a little help from our friends.

  1. The real MVPs here:

Now lets get real here, I don’t know what I would do without these two the last few months.

Zahi for picking us up as we fell apart daily


Everyone needs to get a Sophia because this kid is just amazing

2. Carry me momma:

Baby girl is a motion junkie and a snuggle fiend so this mama needed a little help carrying Zoe so I could bounce her till she calmed. Baby K’Tan really got us through some tough moments there. We got to have dance parties instead of wailing. In fact it is so nursing friendly I can even do some simple things with both hands while feeding her sometimes.

3. Then came the baby carriage:

We have taken so many walks and so many trips since this little munchkin was born and boy is she fan of motion. We got the uppababy cruz when Sophia was born but I think we have already used it more in the last 4 months than in the 3 years with Sophia! Granted we live in a very walkable city and she was born in the summer and we got a little attachment for Sophia to stand on while we walked around town. Uppababy for the win. We also got the Mesa car seat that clips right on to the stroller base and that has been A+.


4. Domo Arigado Mr Iphono (Apps):

Yes I love that I can look things up as soon as I think of them, especially in the wee hours of the morning when baby girl won’t sleep and I’m on my nth hour of sleep deprivation. My search history is now all “how many ounces of milk does a 4 week old drink every 2 hours” etc. Well what’s even more helpful are some baby-centric mama apps. If nothing else but to remind me that other mamas struggle and that other babies who need a lot of work.

Top picks include: The Wonder weeks, Baby center, baby tracker, and sound sleeper. Also not a baby app but great for picture collages and comparisons are: pic stitch and pic collage


5. Swing low sweet chariot:

For my motion junkie baby, swings are bomb diggity. She has been a fan of three main ones:

4moms mamaroo, fisher price rock n play, and fisher price jungle swing. She usually lasts 30min at most, but that is 30min of rest for us and calm play for her.

The winner is Rock n Play:

But these are good too

There are some other amazing products but you know what, at this moment I am drawing a blank because both girls are asleep and my brain is on a small vacation.


This worn out mama

I kept hearing horror stories of how crazy things could be with two children. But hear I am unashamedly admitting in my own adult tantrum, I feel overwhelmed.

The crying. Baby girl cries at any hour in the 24 hours. She is not hungry. She is not hot. She is not cold. She has all her needs met. Maybe she is overtired. Gah who knows why. I would be nursing her (clearly she was hungry) suddenly she starts screaming in my ear. So loud I feel  am going deaf. I get up and bounce her around. Sometimes it is at 4am sometimes we are at the restaurant. And a little bit more of my strength and resolve is drained.

Big sister tried to make her happy with all the toys but baby girl just kept loosing it

The whining. Big girl is in a whiney phase. I cannot stand it after one phrase but if I say stop whining, it increases..then she gets upset and it escalates to a full on loud sobbing. Which wakes baby girl up and she starts crying. Now I want to cry.

Tantrum face

The waking ups. Baby girl wakes me up every 2-3 hours at night. She wakes me up during day naps sometimes. Big girl wakes me up with whining/crying what feels like 5 minutes after I fell asleep from baby girl’s morning feed/freak out sessions. So by morning I am so sleepy I could cry. Monday to Thursday I drop big girl at school so I sometimes catch a nap with baby girl and I feel loads better. But today, both girls woke me up with crying like I was in a surround sound movie of baby tantrums. I really wanted to hide at that point. I actually screamed and hid under my pillow for 1 whole minute and counted just counted backwards and forwards.

The tag-teaming. Sometimes they take turns demanding every ounce of me. Baby girls needs the bouncing and as soon as I put her down, big girl is yelling for help with potty time or with a puzzle. Then baby girl needs to eat. And big girl is just around the corner waiting for something else. My only respite is 9pm when they are both asleep at least till 1am. I do so love them and enjoy them. But by night I feel drained with the sleep deprivation, whining, crying, screaming, no’s, feeding, bouncing…

It doesn’t help that this week was as hard for my husband because he had a conference he left for two days in a whirlwind flight. He dealt with timezones and little sleep. He had to work extra this weekend and still he picked up the pieces as best as he could. Where is my village? Where is the extra set of helping hands?

I love my girls and cannot imagine being away from them for a day. But this week, I feel so tired and overwhelmed and I so desperately wish for that village women talk about. For that family member or friend who will just take the girls and give me a few hours to sleep, to stare blankly, to tell me this too will pass.

I feel like I am in the eye of the storm. And no end in sight yet. I know it won’t be so hard soon. I do have some amazing moment with each and with both. But this week, the challenges broke me a little.

And they go and do something so incredibly sweet

She won’t let me sit

Colic? High need baby? Feisty temperament?

Whatever it is, she won’t let me sit.

I bounce, I shake, I swing, I sway, and I walk when she is on me.

I rock her little crib. I push her stroller back and forth.

Sometimes each ‘action’ can soothe her for 5 min, and sometimes they can last for an hour or two.

But then in between the fussiness, she smiles, and I can go back to bouncing and shaking and swaying for hours to see the next smile again.


Bouncing around in the K’Tan…that is one tired face (mine)